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Either their spouses do not want to let go of their affair partners and are leaving to be with them to see if it was meant to be. …the cheater has stopped contact but is having a very difficult time letting go of their affair partners – not so much from the standpoint of continuing their affair – but more so from the standpoint that they cannot control or stop their thoughts and feelings towards their affair partners.The first phrase that comes to my mind when I hear these stories is “affair addiction.” Linda even said the same thing the other night while discussing a person’s situation.My own rule of thumb is that a person is addicted to a relationship if being in that relationship had clear negative effects on her life and she continues in the relationship regardless of the effects.” Sound familiar?Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous has a 40-question self-diagnosis aimed at possible sex and love addition.

It’s the very least a wayward spouse can do to compensate for the suffering caused by the affair.

It’s quite shocking at times to hear the behavior that cheaters stoop to while in the “affair fog,” and yet many betrayed spouses put up with it out of love, commitment and fear of rocking the boat.

Hell, I did some of the same crap to Linda three years ago and I know that if she would have taken a harder line with me from the get go, the fog would have lifted and I would have got my head out of my ass much faster. Willard Harley, author of “Surviving an Affair” (which we highly recommend) states the following: “My experience helping couples recover from infidelity has taught me that any contact between the unfaithful spouse and the lover ruins reconciliation.

The separation/togetherness cycle actually intensifies the feelings and guarantees that the affair will not end.

The longer the process goes on, the more powerful the attachment becomes.

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